


someone just asked me, uhh, why i hate the military

by orphan_account



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Tags May Change, Teenage Dorks, Teenage Drama, Trans Character, Trans Sora (Kingdom Hearts), also relationships may change/be added ok bye, based on @johnil's "society of aggressive homosexuals", please read this and validate me, vine/tiktok references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21830908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: vani: you are our age and will be held by the geneva conventions just as we all arethe archive of the "student council senior gang" group chat at nomura high schoolbased on johnil's"society of aggressive homosexuals"
Relationships: Kairi & Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi/Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts), Riku & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 41





	someone just asked me, uhh, why i hate the military

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kairi: ew, sentimental vibes, gross!
> 
> kairi: riku, vibe check him!

riku: can i make my senior quote lorem ipsum dolor est

sora!: if i were you i’d make it “number fifteen”

xion: do it and i’ll make mine “burger king foot lettuce”

kairi: y’all know what time it is?

kairi: that’s right

kairi: it’s time to STOP

vani: i can’t read clocks

ven: everyone SHUT UP i’m going to add roxas into the group chat

ven: please don’t scare him im BEGGING you

naminé: who roxas

ven: don’t worry about it

ven: >:)

xion: thats so ominous ventus PLEASE

ven: ANYWAY. don’t be weird i’m gonna add him

sora!: WAIT EVER AGAIN?

ven: give him time!

**_ven_** _has added **roxas** to “student council senior gang”!_

ven: so folks here’s roxas! he’s my twin brother but he was homeschooled for a hot minute

ven: (about three years)

ven: but he wanted to go to our school for senior year so ya

ven: he’s also joining student council which I TOLD HIM NOT TO IT’S HELL but it’s cool. it’s fine im Fine.

roxas: hi

sora!: :00000000 hi new person

riku: ven told you not to be weird

sora!: I CAME OUT HERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME BUT HONESTLY I’M FEELING SO ATTACKED RIGHT NOW.

kairi: use of outdated meme. cancelled

roxas: i guess i should introduce myself? i’m roxas and i was homeschooled because anxiety is a bitch

roxas: but i really wanted to be in a “normal school” setting for at least one year so? i’m here for better or for worse

roxas: that’s really it the only other thing of significance is that i’m bi:/

sora!: why r u :/ over being bi….being bi is great i can love both margot robbie AND timothee chalamet

kairi: thank you sora very cool

naminé: wait roxas what position r u gonna have in student council?

roxas: oh right uh

roxas: i went to an interview last week (whew) and the lady sent me an email saying i would fill in a vacant public relations director spot because i do freelance advertising art on the side

kairi: wait that’s super cool! i’m excited for u

kairi: ALSO sorry im kairi and im the senior class treasurer for student council :) i’m also a chamber singers/advanced choir soprano

riku: we’re doing introductions?

riku: ok i’m riku i’m the senior class vice pres

riku: basically i do everything these guys don’t and i sometimes play soccer

sora!: he’s very good at soccer

riku: i’m not

ven: (he is actually very good at soccer note this)

sora!: hiiii i’m sora :-))) i’m the senior class pres!!!!! and basically i take care of the whole operation even though i have a lot of help from everybody here uwu

sora!: aaaand i’m trans! 

vani: cursed emoticon. sora is cancelled

sora!: NO!

kairi: wouldn’t it be impeached?

roxas: #notmypresident

sora!: OH, HE’S WOKE, UR HONOR!

vani: anyways ig we’re doing introductions so i’m vanitas. i’m one of the three rally commissioners and my job is to get my ideas for rally games and school events shot down by ven and xion

vani: not technically on the senior board, but we work closely with the rest of these losers because we’re in the same grade

vani: also i’m in the school’s rock band

kairi: if you see someone playing guitar after school, it’s most likely him

xion: IN OUR DEFENSE most of the games you come up with for rallies involve teachers taking shots of mayonnaise

xion: you made ven almost throw up at the thought

vani: i live to entertain the masses

vani: and ven is just being weak it’s natural selection

xion: ANYWHO i’m xion! i’m the other rally commissioner and i keep the group chat Simple and Clean

sora!: oh my god i love that song

naminé: hi sorry i dropped my phone in the bathtub

kairi: ARE YOU OKAY…..

naminé: yuhhh a bit disappointed i didn’t fry myself but life is full of woes, isn’t it?

ven: that’s naminé she’s a cryptid and she’s also the senior class secretary

naminé: heyo uhh ven covered it all but also i draw cartoons for the school newspaper’s website and monthly prints 

roxas: i respect the hustle

ven: i feel left out bc everyone is doing introductions but i do student council rally commissioner stuff and i also am on the baseball team :0

roxas: we know

kairi: we know

riku: we know

sora!: we know

ven: i came out here to have a good time and honestly im feeling so attacked right now

xion: don’t hurt ven he’s baby

ven: im baby!

vani: you are our age and will be held by the geneva conventions just as we all are

roxas: what the fuck why am i laughing so hard

vani: *tips my fedora* i’m aware of the effect i have on men

kairi: yeah not women because you smell like ketchup and look like a dollar store goth

sora!: PUT UP THE POLICE TAPE BECAUSE SHOTS HAVE JUST BEEN FIRED

sora!: WAIT so ven can make outdated meme references but i CAN’T?

sora!: this is transphobia

sora!: (it’s actually not i love you guys)

kairi: ew, sentimental vibes, gross!

kairi: riku, vibe check him!

sora!: RIKU PLEASE DON’T IF YOU TOUCH ME I’LL CRUMPLE LIKE A FUCKING LAWN CHAIR

riku: i’m so confused…

roxas: this entire chat is a train wreck and i love it

ven: OH THANK GOD

ven: i got real Scared that you wouldn’t like them and then senior year just would have been REALLY awkward and yeah now it’s cool i’m Glad

roxas: that was the most affection you’ve shown to me in a while

ven: nevermind i don’t care about u anymore

xion: aint that a billie eyelash song

sora!: IDON’TWANNABEYOUANYMORE?????

xion: ah yes. the one that everybody’s been making onceler edits to

sora!: has been makign WHAT

naminé: i’m the lorax and i speak for the trees

kairi: speak for the turtles they gotta breathe thru plastic straws

roxas: r u a vsco girl kairi

kairi: I HAVE A HYDROFLASK AND A METAL STRAW AND I’M NOT ASHAMED BECAUSE MY PLASTIC CONSUMPTION HAS SIGNIFICANTLY DECREASED SINCE I BOUGHT THEM. IT’S A GOOD INVESTMENT AND I FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE IMPACT MY LIFE HAS ON THE ENVIRONMENT.

sora!: i have a reusable boba bottle

vani: no one asked

sora!: that’s mean and thats not ALLOWED >:-(

sora!: THERE IS ONLY HASHTAG GOOD VIBES IN THIS CHAT.

roxas: this chat is actually great 

kairi: aww that’s straight

roxas: what

sora!: instead of saying “that’s gay” because it implies that Homosexual Bad we say “that’s straight” as a joke

roxas: wait you might have just done smn

ven: roxas is eating cheerios in the living room while texting in this gc and i just saw his eyes open when sora sent that message

sora!: i’m aware of the effect i have on men

kairi: yeah we all know which man

sora!: WHAT

kairi: pls excuse me now i gotta go walk my cactus :)

sora!: KAIRI WHAT DO YOU MEAN

sora!: KAIRI COME BACK

_this is the start of chat history with **roxas**!_

ven: roxas?

ven: i’m rlly proud of you man

roxas: for taking out the trash?

ven: okay nevermind i’m unproud 

ven: no but frl i’m proud of you. for like. facing your fears and going to public school and getting involved right away

ven: i know ur anxiety can be a bitch but i’m always here for you u know? and now the student council gang is too

roxas: shut up ur making me cry

roxas: but thanks it means a lot

roxas: i just wanna have a good senior year man

ven: i know

ven: go to bed now ok? u can’t wake up at 12 pm like you did with online school

roxas: ok rude and uncalled for. blocked

ven: you laughed! i heard it

roxas: good night

ven: good night:-)

_**ven** has logged off!_

_**roxas** has logged off!_

**Author's Note:**

> hi all!
> 
> thank u for reading thru this....STEAMING pile of garbage. but yeah will roxas fit in in public school? whose mans is kairi referencing? is naminé okay from dropping her phone in the bathtub? will the teachers shoot mayonnaise, per vanitas' request? find out next time.......(assuming i have the energy/time/inspiration to write a pt 2)
> 
> anyways if you enjoyed this fic please give a kudos and comment and all of the ao3 things, and i'll update soon! byee
> 
> love,  
> angie  
> 16 dec. 2019


End file.
